Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Trying Times-The 80s


This Song is For BA  

You Know Who You Are ...

The Reason (Hoobastank)






Angy 

(Rolling Stones)




Heart Of The Matter


 




The 80s! 
 

Please enjoy the following playlist 

and how it relates to the times of my former wife's and my life…These songs all have very special meanings!

 

Pre-Prison (Playlist):






The 1980s were a wonderful and very dark and trying period for me.   I fell in love.   I got married.   I had two beautiful baby girls...

 

I Got heavily into cocaine and became an alcoholic and drug abuser.   My then wife and I both used cocaine--her, not nearly to the extent of me.   I don’t think she ever really knew quite how bad I had gotten involved in the whole cocaine scene. 

Without going into details...we both paid dearly for the lifestyle.   We both paid a heavy price for that lifestyle--which I truly feel terrible for her part--  and we both took responsibility for the outcome(s).  

I don't believe either one of us --or anyone for that matter--could explain what happened and why.   I paid a heavy price and continue to pay everyday, as I am sure my former wife did and does as well.   Although, we both were responsible --in our own ways-- for what happened, I truly feel sorry for her and regret never  being able to tell her just how sorry I am everything happened the way it did.  

I really loved her and will always have a very, very,  special place in my heart for her.  

I hope those of you reading this blog will enjoy the sampling of music we listened to at the time


  


Dark Days

Prison Play-List





 



My first residence in CDC, Folsom State Prison





July 14, 1985

Folsom Prison Warden Joe Campoy, whose appointment by Gov. George Deukmejian stirred controversy, took sick leave and considered resigning his $59,500-a-year job because of health problems. In March 1984, the state Senate narrowly confirmed Campoy's appointment amid charges that he tolerated sexual harassment of female guards. Campoy had been under continued pressure from critics in the Legislature who noted that Folsom had been hit by a rash of violence including 134 stabbings as of June 1985. Several guards at Folsom also have come under investigation for allegedly falsifying reports and conspiring to commit perjury. This place took me back to medieval times. Granite, filth, and violence everywhere. It’s hard to believe a place like this can still exist in the USA. Viloence, Viloence, and more Violence.



The Good-O’l boy system. Campoy began his career as a Folsom guard 39 years ago. Cheryl Campoy is now a spokeswoman for the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation. “It’s a Family Affair”





Next Stop DVI Tracy, CA 

 





Quote from SacB: “DVI was called "Gladiator School" by the inmates. Prisoners there honed their fighting skills, and learned the business of drug dealing. They also learned how to maim or murder with handmade weapons.”








I won't even comment on this period of my life; with the exception of saying the last part of my term was a turnaround in both custody and an inner awakening. I know there are those of you out there that are saying, "OK, here it comes; another convict found God'. You are wrong! I had a streak of luck at the end of my term. Seems I had learned an invaluable trade while I was at DVI and they needed this skill because of the new prison expansion program of the 1990s. I was transferred to California Men's Colony, which at the time was the only facility with the machinery for the expansion.
 
TIME FOR TRUE WINDS OF CHANGE


 
Winds of Change (Scorpions):








 The Infamous CMC













After being at CMC for 6 months a change happened. I was sitting with this guy on the yard and he was telling me his thoughts on life and Karma. What he was saying made perfect sense to me so I decided then and there to change my life. First I started to help other inmates with education. I started putting others before myself. Then I stopped hating. I buried all of my hate in one clean sweep. To my surprise, good things started happening to me. My life continued to get better and better.(No! My name is not Earl.) I actually met a wonderful woman and got married while I was still incarcerated. 






Then tragedy hit, with only a few years left on my sentence my wife developed a fast moving cancer and died before I could get out. I was devastated. But, I stayed strong, stuck to my new found beliefs, kept moving in the right direction, and kept doing the right things. 

After many years I was a free man at last. "What am I going to do at 40+ years old..."
 
Here I Go Again (Whitesnake)

 
 






True Winds of Change










At Home I at once realized there was little future for me in America.  So, I decided it would be best to restrict my search for love to foreign women To my fortune I met the most wonderful and beautiful woman from Ukraine.


 


 












While she was in the former Soviet Republic and I was stuck here in the USA on parole we corresponded via Instant Message, Email, and Video Conference, which was all very new -- not only to me -- but also to the world.   We did this for nearly three year.  Needless to say, in spite of the use of the internet, telephone bills were huge!   

A month after our first correspondence I told her my life story and I also told her that I could not leave the USA for three years while I was on parole.   

I promised her that I would be in Ukraine the very first month that I was off of parole… I honored my promise and I am very fortunate that she waited for me. 





Once in Ukraine I saw that it was as beautiful as she was, and I realized that it had so much more freedoms than Americans can only dream of.   I spent 6 weeks with her on my first visit and then I made a series of shorter visits.



I knew from our very first meeting that this was the woman of my dreams and that I was going to marry her. 

Within a year after my visit we were married and she was here in the USA with me. 

THANK YOU (Led Zeppelin)












Eddy & Natalya's Video:




We still plan to retire in Ukraine. Changing my life was the best thing I have ever done! 

We have a wonderful life together.  However, my heart still aches because I was not able to tell my former wife that I am sorry for the way our lives together turned out. I regret not being able to wish her all of the best that this life has to offer her. 

And -- above all -- I will always have an empty feeling and a pain in my heart for my three children...Eddy, Shelly, and Cheri.

Monday, October 11, 2010

The Numbers 4 and 8 - Fate and Destiny (The Understanding)





Let me start with two important facts:
1) I was born on the 8th day of the month, and I am a Capricorn

2) My former wife was born on the 4th day of the month, and is an Aquarius

This will be important as you will see by reading the explination below. 
 
Most people familiar with the events that happened between me and my former wife -- me included -- couldn't understand or figure out why the events happened the way they did   I mean… from the very beginning we were attracted to each other like a magnet and steel.  We were both so much in love. We got married and had two beautiful children.  We were on our way to--what seemed--was going to be a great life together.  Then things got weird and just figgin crazy.   WHY? 
As I explained earlier I changed my thoughts and my beliefs -- for the better -- many years ago.  
Once I made the conscious decision to change  I immediatley began researching karma, astrology, and numerology.  While reading “Star Signs” by Linda Goodman I came upon the explanation.     As it turns out, the events of our lives together were all centered and focused around a very interesting -- and a bit scary -- relationship between the numbers 4 & 8.   

At this point I want to say-- from my side of this experience -- in spite of the tragic events that occured -- this was a life changer for me.  I have enjoyed my inner awakening for many years now. My life may have been better, if the negative events had not happened; however, I would not have experienced so many great events, meetings, and relationships.   I am a better person! I Want to thank A. T. for saving me. Thank you!

 The following is a, rather wordy, explanation of the 4 & 8 relationship; therefore, I have created a short music play list to accompany your reading. (I hope you enjoy the music):
 
Instant Karma (A. Timmons)
 
 





The Numbers 4 and 8 - Fate and Destiny.
These are known (especially when combined) as the "Numbers of Fate" and the "Numbers of Karma" and hard luck seems to pursue those whose lives are dominated by the 4 and the 8.
When the 4 or the 8 is the Single number of the day of birth, such as the 4th, 8th, l3th, l7th, 22nd, 26th, or 31st, the number has been chosen by the person it represents in the wiser state of grace between incarnations. The Higher Self (soul or spirit), realising that there are heavy karmic debts to be balanced, and which have been delayed or procrastinated for too many lifetimes, chooses the magnetic birth channel of the 4 or the 8 to insure that these long overdue karmic obligations are faced and finally neutralised.    

On the level of awareness between incarnations, the full import of the karmic chain is comprehended.
It's somewhat analogous to the decision of a student who has continually postponed studying for exams or a test, and as the deadline draws near recognises that it's time to get serious and make up for the procrastination - no more fun weekends, no more stalling or goofing off. It's 'cram time' - time for extra-hard study and attention to scholastic obligations.
Naturally, one can't avoid the 4 or 8 vibration as a birth number, nor should one be able to, since the 4 or the 8 guarantees that the person influenced by it will be placed involuntarily in specific situations where particular Karma will be balanced in the present existence.  Therefore, you might think it unwise to try to remove any further 4 or 8 influence from your life,  because its purpose for being there is so spiritually sound. But this is not necessarily true.
The Single number of the name being a 4 or an 8 is an entirely different matter, since one doesn't choose one's own name (except in certain religions). The parents choose the name (guided subconsciously by the powerful influence of the 4 or 8 birth number - or else blindly choose a name with this vibration for no good reason) - and the person bears it, for better or for worse.   Therefore, to change the spelling of the name so that it equals a more fortunate Single number is not unduly interfering with Karma. It's a free will choice - and a sensible way, if this be the desire, of making an individual's path in the present existence considerably smoother and less fatalistic.
When 4 or 8 is the birth number, care should be taken to avoid the numbers 4 and 8 in all other ways, such as address and phone numbers which add to a Compound number that can be reduced to the single 4 or 8 - and to avoid taking important action or planning significant events on dates equalling either of these two numbers, such as the 4th, 8th, l3th, l7th, 22nd, 26th, or 3lst. Most people can handle the 4 or 8 vibration alone. It's the combination of them - the doubling up and increasing the power of the 4 and the 8 that becomes powerfully fatalistic, and causes these unfortunate people to attract far more than their share of bad luck, losses, heartbreak, and disappointments.
Let's consider the two numbers separately, since there's a degree or two of difference between them. We'll begin with the 8.  People whose birth number is 8 seem to be influenced by a more pronounced fatalistic vibration. They are more "children of Fate" than the 4 people. They can be just as strong of character, as noble, devoted, hard-working, and self-sacrificing as others (and frequently even more so) but may feel that they don't receive the rewards they're entitled to or the recognition they deserve. The road to success is a hard one, strewn with obstacles. Although they often manage to rise to a position of high authority, it burdens them with stressful responsibilities, great anxiety, and long hours. 8 people not infrequently manage to accumulate wealth (in fact, the accumulation of wealth at some time in the life is a definite part of the 8 influence - depending on the position of Jupiter in the birth chart) - but the wealth may not bring any real or lasting happiness. In addition, 8 people are often required to pay too high a price for love, which almost invariably brings with it suffering of some kind.
Here's an example: A man born on the 8th, l7th, or 26th day of the month marries a woman born on the 4th, l3th, 22nd, or 3lst day of the month (or whose name equals the single number 4). By thus combining the 4 and the 8, the power of these numbers is increased, and the 8 man will experience many blows of fate, mental tension, and emotional sadness in the married state.

Under the law of magnetic attraction, 4 and 8 people seem to be irresistibly drawn together in all kinds of relationships: love, marriage, friendships, and business associations - relatives and relatives by marriage. The combination cannot be called fortunate, at least not in a worldly sense, although it's common for 4 and 8 people to demonstrate a deep devotion to one another (or one does, to an almost fanatical degree, even when the other doesn't). "For better or for worse", especially during times of illness or other misfortune. 

Some of the greatest examples of self-sacrifice in history are found when 8 and 4 people marry. The most pronounced aspect about this combination in marriage is sacrifice of some kind. Yet, great good can come from such suffering; the couple can create unusually gifted children - or produce the legacy of classical music, poetry, memorable writing of books, plays, and so forth.

The 8 people who observe the numbers 8 and 4 continually influencing the life regarding dates of important events, telephone numbers, addresses, etc., associated with sorrow, disappointment, and bad luck, should avoid these numbers whenever possible, by changing the spelling of the name (if it equals the Single number 4 or 8) - addressees, telephone numbers, and the like, which add to a Compound number that reduces to a 4 or an 8. They should avoid keeping important engagements or planning significant events on the 4th, 8th, l3th, l7th, 22nd, 26th, or 3lst day of the month - and alter these to produce the Single number 6 (including the name number if necessary). The 8 person should try to carry out all important plans on the 6th or the 24th day of the month, but not the 6 reached through the Compound number 15.

8 people who follow this advice, who alter the 4's and 8's in their lives to the single number 6, will substantially reduce their 'bad luck', and be able to control the curious fate that seems to follow them.

They may not, however, be able to avoid all relationships with other 4 or 8 people, because most of these are karmic obligations which must be dealt with and balanced. Most of the 8 person's close friends, business associates, and relatives will usually be a 4 or an 8 by birth, or have names equal one of these two numbers.

The 4-8 vibration is increased if the 8 person is a Star Sign Capricorn or Aquarian, since 8 is the number of Saturn (ruler of Capricorn) and 4 is the number of Uranus (ruler of Aquarius).

A most important thing to remember is this: Some 8 people may prefer to carry out the full force and meaning of the 8 influence, not fearing the consequences, because they feel that forewarned, they can handle the negative aspect of the 8 - and they wish to increase the power of wealth, stability, responsibility, and so forth that the 8 influence brings. Should an 8 person make such a decision, then they should try to do everything important on the 8th, l7th, and 26th days of the month, and if the birth number is 8, they should change the spelling of the name to likewise equal a single 8 (but not in such a way that it equals the Compound 26). In doing this, they'll greatly increase their chances for material success, but they will lead curiously fatalistic lives, seeming to be 'stamped by fate' on whatever path of life they choose.

However, those 8 people who choose to increase the power of the 8 in their lives rather than avoid it must take care to avoid the number 4 whenever possible - because it's the combination of these two numbers that brings strong magnetic negative influences to bear upon them.

This is why the 4 people should not, under any circumstances, increase the power of the number 4, since a double 4 equals an 8. They should avoid, once again, the combination of these two numbers. And because an extra 4 here and there, along with the birth number of 4 (born on the 4th, l3th, 22nd or 3lst) will bring, by addition, the 8 influence to bear, creating the very combination the ancients warn to avoid.

According to the Chaldeans, the number 4 as a birth influence is not quite so heavy an influence as the birth number 8. People with 4 as a birth number will find that the 4th, l3th, 22nd, and 3lst days of the month are of major significance in both their business and personal affairs - sometimes in a negative sense,yet equally as often in a positive sense. Their own addresses and phone numbers and the like - and the dates of birth of people close to them (especially relatives, since the 4-8 combination greatly influences group family Karma) will be 4's or 8's far more often than can be attributed to coincidence. If your birth number is 4, check into it, and you'll be surprised.

Example: 1003 Main Street (is a number 4); Phone: 689-2402 (adds to 31, reduces to 4). Either with or without the area code, and sometimes both ways.

A rare few who have chosen the number 4 as the birth channel are illuminated souls who have erased all past Karma by balancing it in previous lives, and have incarnated in the present existence to 'rescue' a Twin Self who has become - or in danger of becoming - a fallen angel. 


In such cases, the 4 vibration is chosen to aid in keeping this person on the path of light; to lessen the temptation to form new, negative Karma, thereby also becoming a fallen angel in the attempt to rescue the fallen other half of the Self.

In this instance, the 4 is an extremely protective influence - and in all other cases (which form the majority of the 4 people) the 4 is not so much to be dreaded as to be recognised as a helpful means to discipline one's self in the present incarnation, which is not a negative situation, but quite positive in a spiritual sense.
 
Life is Wonderful (JM)